“Cancer is a word, not a sentence.” – John Diamon

Last night I made sure I was sitting in front of the television at 9 p.m. to watch Ken Burns, Cancer:  The Emperor of all Maladies.

I thought it was important that I watch this program.  After all, I have been in a battle with cancer for over two years and want to be informed about the disease.

After the first terrible scenes about the little girl and her parents fighting, crying and suffering from a disease that can only destroy, I turned the TV off.

And then, I thought of a time in my life when I was in a different kind of battle and a great old man gave me sound advice.

As a young woman (late teens) I drank a lot- and after I was married I began to drink more (good sign that I should never have gotten married) - so I became a member of a twelve step program that wishes to remain anonymous.   Now, I was not forced to do this, no court sent me there.  I just knew that drinking and I weren’t good pals.   At that time (March 11, 1974) I was the youngest person in the area in the program and I learned a lot, and met people from every background from rich to poor, Democrat, Republican, black, white, fat, skinny and everything in between.   It was a hard knocks learning experience. 

The experience of spending hours in these meetings enriched my life and as I entered the end of my twenties I was in college and thought it might be good to go into social work and specialize in substance abuse.  After all, I had spent almost a decade in and around this challenge. 

I went to talk to a man named Jack B.  who at that time was the director of a substance abuse program here in my hometown.  I had gotten to know Jack over the years and he had become a friend.  I told him my ideas and what I thought I could accomplish.

He listened attentively and then said something that has informed my life and every challenge that I have faced since.   

“Don’t make your illness your life, if you do there will have been no point in recovery.”

That helped me make my decision and it has also helped me make many decisions since then.  

I approach this diagnosis of cancer differently- but I approach it with hope- and on most days refuse to even let the monster in.  I find from reading posts that this is what most people who are living with cancer do- they approach the day with a positive spin and refuse to let cancer dictate their days. 

In the back of all of our minds is that beast lurking, wanting to destroy us, always the fear of death, of recurrence, of horrible side effects from treatments, the fear of the day when to doctors says, ‘we really have no other options.”  

I write about my thoughts on cancer daily- and then I lift up my pen to write about other things, and enjoy my life, my house, my family, my good old dog, and on this day, the sunshine.

We carry on, tending to our everyday lives and squeeze out every bit of joy we can- and neglect the word cancer as much as possible.